written on Friday July 10, 2009
My Father Part 2
March 26,2009
Somewhere between last night and this morning i managed to sleep. Did last night really happen? Or was it all just a horrible nightmare? The burning in my eyes confirm what i know to be true...last night my father died.
I wanna lay there and be miserable, hate the world, hate everything that's good because the one person in my life, my hero, my friend, my father was gone. But other things take precedent. For one I had a doc appt. Im nervouse because im 9 months along and worried that I wont get a clearance to fly at so late into my pregnancy. I panic a little at the thought that he may deny me. But nothing and I mean nothing was going to keep me from Dads............funeral. There...for the first time, I said it. "Dad's funeral." Ugggh.
I get up to get ready and launch myself into planning mode, and push out all sad thoughts under the carpet for now. I jump online to start searching for flights. This is gonna cost an arm and a leg im sure. 4 tickets from MD to SLC for Saturday a mere 2 days away. Flights checked i start going through the house to gather up clothing to start the laundry. Pause.....contractions. Not so bad...not painful, but somewhat uncomfortable. They started about 3 days prior. But still very random and no pattern to them..whew. Please hold on baby, i think to myself,. I find myself talking to God asking him to give me a little more time...just to make it back home. I jump in the shower, making mental notes of what needs to get done. Showered and ready i drive to my doc appt. On the way I get sporadic calls from home with updates. Extended family have come to support us. It's a great comforting feeling. I'm sad that I'm not there to be apart of that. I'm beginning to feel guilty for not being apart of that. For leaving....I push the thoughts out. Im at my doc appt now. I've decided not to tell doc that I have been having contractions. I refuse to allow anything to block my way. I know its wrong, but I have to get this clearance. He checks me, tells me im at 3 centimeters. He tells me if i dont have baby by April 17th he'll induce me. This gives me hope. So I have plenty of time and even at 3 centimeters he still feels I have a bit to go.....whew. I tell him of my fathers passing. He comes over and hugs me. Im surprised by this gesture. I have not liked my doc since the moment I was switched to him. He was always cold and not very personable. Never gave information unless i asked. Now here he was hugging me, offering his condolences. And for the first time......I love my doctor. The clearance was given....whew!
On the way home im on the phone. I give everyone the thumbs up and everyone is relieved. They are worried for me. I tell David the news and he puts in his request for time off. I head home and confirm all our Utah arrangements. Flights, Hotel, Car. Checked! Pause....Contractions. Breathe Journey...breathe. They are still far and few in between. Dont worry just get through the list of to do's.
David comes home and we clean, pack, take care of bills, do a thorough checklist of the house and what needs to be shut off. I keep my mind focused and off my dad. But every so often, I have a brief moment and a memory comes in focus. Our last conversation had only been the night before he died. One that I almost passed on after talking to my brother Malu. "Wanna talk to dad?" he asks. Uhmm nah he's prolly tired and sleeping. No dont bother I'll call em tomorrow. You sure? I think he's up lemme go check, I'll get em for you. No it's okay i'll call em another time. You sure? yeah...well you know what? yeah lemme talk to him. Ok hold up.
Hello? my father says in a cheerful voice
Hey Old man i say.....and we laugh hysterically like always. His laugh...I begin to cry remembering his laugh.....
*While my sister is ill, i'll try to post random journal notes from her actual journal and maybe some updates on whatever she allows. I read this and wanted to share it here. The day she landed, she went into labor later that night and had the baby the next day. So in the course of 4 days she lost a father and gave birth to a strong healthy baby boy.
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| Dawson William Mikovich & his beautiful mommy |
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